Whatever It Takes
by thePurpleHorse
Summary: They lost her one time already and when she disappears a second time the ones she leaves behind are devastated. One in particular. What they don't know is that she didn't have a choice this time either. Will she make it? Rating might change the further we get into this story
1. Chapter 1

Chapter I

**Hi everyone! Since I'm new here and this is my first story I actually don't really have much to say except enjoy! **

**This is going to be a multi-chapter story and most of it is already written but I do not mind changing little bits if lots of people request a change.**

**Tell me what you think!**

People smile every day to pretend to be okay. They smile because explaining and having to find excuses is harder than pretending. So she smiled.

"…but what about his girlfriend? I mean it's no secret that girlfriends are _always_ potential threats to men!" Ziva looked at him like he'd lost his mind which he probably had.

"So the billion women out there are threats to all the poor men because they are simply woman?! You're even crazier than I thought Tony!" She commented dryly. He feigned hurt. "Ow. You just cannot accept that I'm right" he smirked and wiggled his eyebrows what got him an eye rolling from Ziva.

"Shut up already or I'll really find a way to threaten you" now it was her turn to smirk as he quickly stepped back and eyed the surrounding office equipment suspiciously.

"Gotcha" Tony only laughed.

"You wish Dah-veed"  
It was a rainy and stormy Friday afternoon. The team was gathered in the bullpen to set the last pieces of their current case together. McGee was eagerly working on his computer, not at all bothered by the fooling around of his coworkers. Gibbs was nowhere to be found, there was a great chance he was out, refilling his cup of coffee for the tenth time that day.  
The current case was about a drunken officer who had probably stabbed his team mate to death because he had refused to give him any more crack. A pretty easy case actually what got Tony bored soon. He'd found a way to create all possible scenarios of who could be the murderer but it all ended up with women as the killer what annoyed Ziva to no end.  
She tried to hide her smile as a new IM popped up on her screen  
_  
__'But what if it was his girlfriend?'_

"Tony" she laughed playing annoyed. "He doesn't even have a girlfriend alright?!"

"You never know"

"We do" Ziva argued "we are investigators. It's our job to know"

"she got a point there DiNozzo" Gibbs agreed as he stepped out of the elevator, the famous 'ding' still audible.

Ziva's smile was smug. "I got a point there DiNozzo" she repeated with sparkling eyes and grinned, finding it way funnier than she should. Tony only glared at her before demonstratively turning his head towards his computer screen and started typing so fast Ziva knew he couldn't really be writing anything useful.

Two hours later the killer (not his girlfriend) was behind bars and the team dismissed to an early weekend. "Go home get some rest." And with that they all wished Gibbs a nice weekend and left the building chattering and laughing. Today had been a good day. The last weeks had been good weeks actually. Ziva felt as she was finally living again and the others felt it too.  
"Sooo" Tony stopped in front of his car and turned around to face the others. "What are we gonna do? A night out? Clubbing? Dancing?" He wiggled his eyebrows and started doing some moves before McGee stopped him, embarrassed as it seemed.

"DiNozzo what the hell is wrong with you. Can't you behave one time?"

"What's the problem McUptight? Can't handle a little dancing? I'm an amazing dancer once I-"

"Cut it out Tony" Ziva demanded with a warning glare. She sometimes made sure Tony didn't push it with McGee. The guy had a heart of gold and didn't deserve the teasing.

"I didn't do anything... No need to shoot daggers at me" Tony muttered under his breath but unfortunately Ziva's ears didn't miss anything. But instead of harming him with the nearest item available she looked confused.

"Why would I shoot daggers at you? If I wanted to shoot you I'd use a gun, yes?" in the first second Tony looked at her in pure fascination.

"Fascinating her mind, isn't it" he addressed McGee who only rolled his eyes.

"Shooting daggers at someone means to want to kill them with your glare Ziva" he explained patiently. Ziva still didn't seem to understand. "But why would I shoot daggers if everyone knows you use guns for shooting. I mean I could certain use daggers but-" McGee interrupted her rant.

"It's just a saying Ziva." "Your sayings never make sense." She argued "What's the point, knives daggers guns- same difference" she mumbled annoyed. Tony only looked at her, shaking his head in pity.

"Where's Abby, McGee? Didn't she want to take a ride with you?" Ziva suddenly asked turning towards the young agent who nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, she should be here any minute. Maybe she's saying Ducky goodbye"

"Great" Tony groaned "that means this will take another hour" he stated, crossing his arms. "What about Ziva and I go first and get some take-out? We can meet at a bar later, what ya think McGoo?" He just shrugged.

"Oh c'mon Tony, Abby won't take an hour. Why are you so impatient today?!" Ziva asked, eying him suspiciously. He really was acting strange today.

"No it's okay Ziva. You guys go first. I'll just give you a call later. Tony is driving me crazy anyway" he muttered under his breath what Tony couldn't hear anyway because he was already in the car, starting the engine.

"Come on Zee-vah! I'm hungry." He waved McGee a quick goodbye through the open car window and looked at Ziva in request to make her sit in the car as well.

"Alright, alright, Jesus Tony you are annoying as always" he just smiled, driving off. 

"So what's for dinner? Ugh I gotta pick" he smirked not even giving her a chance to answer.

"No, you're not?!" Ziva exclaimed turning her head to stare at him. "Last time you decided for pizza. Now it's my turn and I want Chinese."

"You're so predicable" he stopped at a traffic light and grinned at her. "Every other Friday we get Chinese. At least I'm adventurous."

"Uh yeah pizza or pasta is definitely adventurous" she mocked him.

"So Chinese it is?" He made sure and when she nodded he set the blinker to turn right. There was this side of Ziva he was still baffled to explore. Ziva loved risks she wasn't afraid of things she didn't know, in fact she welcomed them with open arms to prevent from getting bored. Always harder, always more dangerous. At least she'd been that way before Somalia. It wasn't a healthy thing to do and sometimes he couldn't help but wonder what impact Eli had done to his daughter to cause such a reaction. He didn't know, Ziva refused to touch the topic. But it were exactly these little things Ziva did that made him wondered why Ziva would pick Chinese every other weekend with the same side dish with absolutely no exception. She maybe needed some steady things in her life. He wanted to give that to her more than anything and that she allowed him to be part of her unsteady life honored him. Not that he could live without her but that wasn't the point.

"The usual?" Ziva asked as Tony stopped the car in front of the restaurant.

"Yes please. Maybe some spicy soup as well. Just pick one for me. I'm basically giving my life into your hands right now" she rolled her eyes to his exaggerating.

"It's just a soup, Tony, I'm pretty sure you'll survive. Won't you come with me?!" She asked with furred brows as he made no moves to follow her out the car.

"C'mon Zi" he begged "I'm tired. Your legs are younger than mine… Ow" he muffled when a hard fist hit his shoulder and then again a pained sound escaped his mouth when she hit his chest and simply snapped the purse he'd given her out of his hand with one withering glance in his direction.

"Lazy ass" he could hear her mutter before leaving the car.

Satisfied with himself he leaned back and crossed his hands behind his head. Today had been a good day. Ziva had smiled a lot, something that still couldn't be taken for granted. Somalia was still present, even after one year, and he knew that even though Ziva tried her hardest to hide it from him she was still suffering. The first weeks had been bad. Very bad. She hadn't talked, she hadn't smiled, she had been barely there. When someone had talked to her she had answered but that was all. Broken and empty was all it needed to describe her when it were exactly those words he'd thought of never having to use with Ziva in one sentence. It just wasn't natural.

She'd lost twenty pounds in Somalia and didn't bother to put on weight when being home. After her breakdown two weeks after her rescue Gibbs literally dragged her to a hospital where she was forced to stay ten days. He groaned at the memory. Besides Somali these days had been the worst of his life. Not enough that Ziva was unbearable when being forced to stay in a hospital but also had she had to be tube fed due to malnutrition in every possible way. A few pounds less and she probably would've died the next weeks.

'It's impossible for her brain to process everything. She shut down. It's a protection mechanism just as before it had been a cope mechanism to live through everything. She needs time to understand that right now there's nothing she needs to be afraid of. Despite her memory' the doctor had patiently told him when he had freaked out. That memory still made him shiver and he tried to focus on something else. Like where in hell was Ziva?! He leaned towards the passenger window but didn't see anything except the street lamp illumination the main entrance of the restaurant. Where was Ziva?

He let out a heavy sigh and got out of the car. Today was Friday; there was probably just an endless line of people waiting to get their dinner ready. Making his way through the crowd he watched out for Ziva what got him a few middle fingers and some curses. When he had reached the counter there was still no sight of Ziva. He got angry. Was she playing some trick on him? Eating somewhere else because he had made her go in and bring the food alone? Actually he did not expect such childish behavior from Ziva.

"Excuse me Ms" he reached for the attention of one of the waitresses.

"Have you seen my partner? Tall skinny dark curls till about here" he placed a hands on his torso "brown eyes, white shirt and green trousers. She should've been there about twenty minutes earlier?" He asked the young girl.

"Yes mister" she answers with a smile. "She left about ten minutes ago. "Chinese chicken and soup" she continued obviously proud of herself to remember the details.

"Yeah exactly" Tony answered a bit slow, running one hand through his hair. "Thanks" he said and left. He hated being played when he was hungry. What game was Ziva playing? He rolled his eyes. He probably would have to kill her. He pushed the door open and cold air was blowing into his face when he noticed two things immediately that made his heart skip a beat.

First there were dropped take-out boxes and its containment covering a big part of the sidewalk a few feet next to the entrance and secondly Ziva was nowhere to be found.

That fact alone sent chills down his spine and real fear contaminated his mind. Why would Ziva drop our take-out? Okay DiNozzo, maybe that wasn't even her bag there are a million people ordering from that restaurant it could've been anyone's, he tried to sooth himself but he knew better. With two big steps he reached the bag and opened the four little boxes inside. Soup and chicken nodules. He froze in place.

Ziva probably had to defend herself to some bugler no big deal. Probably she was just finishing him off at the next corner while he was worrying. He searched the next two blocks for her and got more desperate with every second. Ziva David wasn't one to disappear or let herself take prisoner. Somalia proved you wrong didn't it? A small voice inside his head made him nearly throw up his lunch. He didn't even know what exactly made him worry this much. Somalia had made him afraid, was the reason he always needed Ziva in his sight and in reach. Her absence made him nervous. She probably was just handcuffing him right now. But why wasn't she around? He could've slapped himself when he realized he had yet not even once tried to call her. God I'm so dumb he thought somewhat relived and pressed 2, Ziva's number for speed dialing.

"Pick up pick up" he murmured urging Ziva to answer the damn call. Nothing. Frustrated he went back to the dropped take-out boxes. One glance at his watch made him realize nearly forty minutes had passed since he had seen Ziva last. He ran his fingers through his hair what made it only more untidy and called the only person he trusted to fix this.

"What is it DiNozzo?"  
Gibbs!" He nearly cried out.

"DiNozzo? What happened?" The experienced agent could hear the panic in Tony's voice, something he had heard the first time when he told him the Damaclos had sunk. It weren't pleasant memories so he focused on the heavy breathing on the other side of the line.

"It's Ziva! I can't find her!"

"What happened?" Gibbs asked matter-of-factly to help DiNozzo calm down. He wasn't any use when he was that confused. Tony took a deep breath and started explaining. After he'd finished Gibbs couldn't help but worry.

"I'll be right there! Give McGee a call and tell him to track her phone!" He barked before turning his phone shut. Please not, the thought, we only just got her back.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Ziva awoke to the feeling of absolute numbness. Slowly she blinked a few times trying to get used to the heavy darkness surrounding her. God, her head hurt like hell. She hauled herself up from the lying position she was in and noticed, much to her displeasure, how much effort that needed.  
What had happened? She tried to reconstruct her last memories but soon stopped as the throbbing in her head became unbearable. She knew she shouldn't but as unconsciousness hit her again she did little to fight it. 

**NCIS**

"Can you track it McGee?!" Tony stood just inches from his colleague almost breathing into his ear. "Hurry McSlow we don't have endless time" he urged, the panic in his voice clearly noticeable. It was just due to that fact that McGee didn't explode right here and then. He was just as worried as Tony but DiNozzo was clearly testing his limits.

"I'm on it Tony. Give me some time you're urging won't do any good." Just as Tony was about to give a sarcastic comment, high pitched cries nearly made him cover his ears.

"Gibbs Gibbs Gibbs Gibbs Gibbs! What happened to Ziva?! Is she okay?! We cannot lose her again" Abby the quirky forensic scientist closed her arms around Gibbs's neck and clung to it in support.

"Abbs" he gently told her off. "We don't know anything yet. Let's not jump to conclusions. For all that we know she could've just met someone and got off with him." He didn't think it was necessary to say that Ziva was more likely to turn girly and wear pink dresses to work than just dump DiNozzo for someone she met on the streets. Judging by the look on Tony's face he didn't fool anyone.

"But what if she's scared?! God she is for sure scared even a Ninja is scared sometimes. We need to find her, McGee track her phone! Tony check the airports nearby, maybe you get a hit but oh god if she leaves the country what should we do? Oh right we'll just go after her we are already Pros in rescuing her, aren't we? I-"

"_Abbs_" Tony, McGee and Gibbs yelled in one voice. Abby covered her face with her hands.

"I'm so scared"

"I know" Gibbs tried to soothe her, "We all are, but worrying too much won't help her right now. By the way DiNozzo she was right! Check the airports I wanna know if there's any hit on her passport or ID"

"On it Boss!" Tony took a deep breath and started working, happy to have something to do.

"Got it!" McGee informed them suddenly and jumped off his chair. "The last time it was switched on was one hour and ten minutes ago in front of the Chinese restaurant! Since then it's been turned off. I'm sorry Tony!"

"Damn it!" Tony lost control for a second and took the next best object available, letting it fly through the bullpen shattering into pieces when it made contact with the wall. He had just successfully broken his cellphone.

**NCIS**

She knew she was home the second she opened her eyes. Except that it wasn't home anymore. Too much had changed. It was that smell that had woken her, the dusty air mixed with gas and the smell of food was something she was used to. She didn't even need time to think she just knew.

Ziva blinked a few times, forcing her eyes to get used to the bright sunlight shining into the room. Her room. Slowly she swung her legs over the edge of her bed just as she remembered doing every day for school and then later on for field training, sitting very still as stars appeared in front of her eyes clouding her sight and nausea nearly caused her to throw up on the light brown carpet on the ground.

The familiar surroundings confused her and yet everything was perfectly clear. The cupboard next to the window Tali had wanted so badly because 'it reminded her of the fairy's castle in the book'. The desk next to her bed or the TV hanging on the opposite wall; nothing had changed in her room. She suspected even some of her clothes still being perfectly folded in her drawers.

She doubted her father had even set foot on that corridor of the huge house since she'd left for Washington six years prior. With one hand pressed on her stomach the other on her eyes she stood up and was again standing still for a few seconds. Everything was spinning around as she listened to cars passing by her window or the yelling from the street. That were all things she knew, things that had been this way nearly her whole life but at the same time it felt wrong. Her home was America now. From which she'd been kidnapped from quite violently.

Her brows furred and she hissed as the memories came back to her. Tony. Chinese take-out. Eli had wanted her here so he had made her come. Sudden anger exploded in her and made her forget her dizziness and nausea as she stormed furiously towards her door. How dare he to just abduct her and treat her like a suspect! She was his daughter for heaven's sake!

Slamming the door behind her she jogged down the hall turning left and taking the stairs down, her feet following the familiar way she had gone so many times before as her mind was busy cursing her father and thinking of various ways to kill him. He clearly wanted something from her; otherwise he wouldn't trouble himself with assigning his best agents on a task that was likely to return them with fewer limbs than they'd started with. Obviously they had taken the risk and she was the one who had lost this little game.

She narrowed her eyes as a guard crossed her way and as soon as he made note of her placed a hand over his heart. She just snorted and lucky for the officer looks still could not kill otherwise Mossad would have been one agent short in the five minutes Ziva David was running around the building. 

Without knocking she stormed into his office, slamming the door shut behind her not bothering to greet the guards or the man behind the wooden desk in any way as she placed both hands on the table and looked him straight in the eye. Everything still looked as when she'd left. Pictures of Tali, Ari and herself decorated his desk and wall, the Israeli flag covered the east side of the room and a few flowers were supposed to make the room seem alive. Which is was not despite his trying.

"Ziva" he acknowledged her calmly and not at all surprised by her sudden appearance. He closed his laptop and then folded his hands in a way that made his fingertips slightly touch and smiled at her.

"I was wondering when you would pay me a visit" his calmness only made her more furious and let her explode within the next second.

"You abducted me! You drugged me in order to bring me here you treated me like a suspect and not like your daughter!" she spit unable to control her anger. Eli still did not look impressed.

"I saw no other way to contact you!" She stared at him in disbelieve for a few seconds.

"No?! What about a _phone_?!" She yelled stepping back because she was afraid she would do something stupid like stabbing him. Unbelievable this man! "You could've just called me for god's sake!"

"You would not have come if I had called!"

"Oh that's right" she got out between her teeth and spun around facing the door now. "And it was a mistake to bring me here against my will." She informed him. "I won't stay!"

"You are _my_ agent! You are working for _my_ agency! You cannot just come and go as you please; you have orders to fulfill" he snarled. It felt very wrong leaving her back vulnerable to her father so she spun around again as she continued to yelled at him.

"I'm a liaison officer and right now I'm working for the Israeli American friendship at NCIS in D.C. where _you_ have assigned me to! So you want to take it back now because it's not convenient for you having me there? Because you don't like me being happy there? There are rules, father, even you have to follow!"

"I _make_ the rules I don't have to follow them" he yelled back at her. "When I take you off this mission, you're off, understood?!"

She pressed her lips together. "This is not a mission. My mission was fulfilled with Ari's death six years ago, so what do you want now?"

He leaned back in his chair, eying her carefully. "Somalia has left you weak" Ziva winced at the sudden change of topic and placed her arms over her chest as she always did when the subject was mentioned. It was a shock that he of all people would bring it up now. It still hurt that he had left her to die in a desert; it still hurt looking him in the eye and seeing absolutely nothing towards his only living child. Not love, not pride but just the desire to use his self-created weapon as best as he could. It really hurt. But because she had been trained by him nearly her entire life she knew how to disguise the feeling of neglect. She was used to it after all.

"What does Somalia have to do with it" her voice was cold.

"Oh a lot" he continued casually and made a sip from his cup of tea before he hesitated and looked over to her. "Oh how impolite, do you also want a cup? It's very good Ms. Aline always has a special hand in where to get the best tea."

So he got himself another maid. She briefly wondered why he threw the old one out. "Don't strain yourself" Ziva commented dryly and Eli shook his head in pity.

"You should take better care of yourself Zivaleh, you've lost weight. Is that how men like their women over there? Thin as a bone? Because you know to me that certain doesn't look good" Ziva gritted her teeth so hard together she could hear her jaw crunch. Don't let him hurt you. You know he only wants to hurt you.

"Your point" Ziva hissed, clenching her hands to fists.

"Right." Eli nodded. "I've been told you are not handling Somalia well" shock was now clearly noticeable on her face as she tried to hide her trembling hands behind her back. She didn't want to discuss Somalia with that one person that was responsible for her suffering, hell she didn't want to discuss it at all!

"Oh have you" her barely audible voice was sarcastic. He nodded in agreement.

"It's not like you to get that affected by a mission. Haven't I trained you to get over yourself? Haven't I told you a thousand times that emotions are no good on a mission, on the job? And yet you did exactly that. You got emotionally involved."

Ziva could only stare, unable to comprehend. She wanted to scream and turn on her heels to leave the room but she couldn't move. She was not ten anymore, she was a successful agent but just as when she was little she could not help the feeling of failure that overcame her when she heard her father talking like that. It didn't matter what she did, how successful she was, how hard she tried, it never was good enough.

"The reason I sent you to Somalia in the first place was to make you understand that you and agent DiNozzo will never have a future together. I wanted you to fight for your country, your agency where you belong and make you realize that only you yourself are responsible for your actions! I know what's going on" he smiled lightly at Ziva who was frozen in place. "and I have to admit he's not a bad looking man but Ziva you have to understand that feelings get you killed! You got me disappointed." He told her matter-of-factly and watched her struggle.

"Stop!" Her father had never talked to her like that before. That might have been the first time Ziva David was out of words and she hated it.

"I wanted to teach you a lesson with Michael, and it worked you came back to me, finally realizing what you had in Mossad." "stop" she almost yelled, covering her ears. "Stop" he leaned forward, her brows furred in pain she didn't want him to see. "You accepted the mission without a second thought and why? Because you got emotionally involved. You were angry, you were hurt that your partner would shoot your boyfriend. You wanted to teach _him _a lesson with not coming back, did you not? But things turned out differently and you _GOT YOURSELF CAUGHT_!" He suddenly exploded, screaming the last words as his face got red with anger and he jumped off his chair.

Ziva didn't move a muscle at his tantrum. His hair had gotten thinner, she noticed casually. He was getting old. Eli was right, she thought, I got emotionally involved. Why did the realization hurt that much? It wasn't a secret that Tony and she got on well. They were partners after all it was their duty to get on well and solve the crimes! Was it really? The little voice buzzed in. Was it necessary to fall it love in order to get the cases solved? I'm not in love! She held against immediately, terrified. Denial, the voice snarled, brings you nowhere. Slowly her head sunk to her chest and just for a second she really thought she was about to lose it in front of her father but then her well trained Mossad facade saved her. Her eyes got cold, her face neutral.

"What do you want from me father" her voice wasn't trembling anymore, it was businesslike.  
"I need you on another mission" his lips were a thin line as he waited for her to protest, to fight him and show him her independence. Her loyalty to NCIS had gotten him worried recently and so he had decided to make a move. Director Vance would probably call him soon and expect answers to why he would just kidnap his own daughter but she was his after all and no one could take her away from him. She was _his_. She had to obey.

Much to his surprise his daughter did not complain. "I need to talk to someone" she requested suddenly shooting him a glare he could not really interpret. "It's all been cleared with NCIS. Vance got his okay. He called shortly before you stormed my office"

Now Ziva's jaw hit the ground. He's lying, he's lying, he's lying. They would never do that, Gibbs would never allow it! Does Gibbs really have a say in that? The voice whispered. She squeezed her eyes shut for a short moment, trying to sort out the things in her head. Slowly she freed her shirt from her tight grip and moved her fingers in order to keep the blood circulation running through her now white knuckles. She took a deep breath and looked again at her now smiling father.

"I don't want to talk to Vance" Eli raised an eyebrow what brought her anger back. "I won't let you keep me hostage!" She stated with an only hardly controlled voice. "Phone. Now!" He considered her request for a moment before he handed her over his phone. "Keep it short" he demanded before he stood up and turned around to face the front side of his office which was completely out of glass.

Thanks for the privacy Ziva thought sarcastically and dialed the number she knew by heart. I can't stay I won't stay she repeated in her head. She could not. She needed Tony. She needed him to keep her sane; speaking of him he was probably worrying sick already. It was just because of these thoughts which kept her mind occupied that she only noticed the signal for a not found device a little too late. Confused she held the phone in front of her face expecting the nonliving object to tell her why it would refuse to work just when she needed it so badly. Maybe he had broken his cell she excused the failed attempt and tried to shove away the desperation that followed.

Her heart was pounding in her chest as she dialed Gibbs' number with sweaty fingers. No answer as well. Damn it Gibbs and his stupid habit to drown every phone in a glass of Bourbon when he didn't want to be interrupted. It was a shock when she realized she didn't know any other numbers by heart. From the outside she looked perfectly calm as she placed the cell phone back to its previous spot on his desk before she stepped back again, folding her arms in front of her chest but on the inside she had already killed her father various painful deaths.

"Assuming that Vance has agreed to your request to assign me to that mission and assuming I agree, how long will it take and what mission am I on?" The room temperature dropped about ten degrees by the look on his face.

"Assuming?" He asked, turning around again to face her.

"Yes" she held against.

"Well" Eli pretended a smile that didn't reach his eyes as he twisted a pen in his hands. Ziva stood straight, sensing the actual bomb to explode any minute. "First of all you'll be send to a training camp in the Negev desert before you will fly to Afghanistan to complete a mission with Agent Nazar. Details will be announced later on. The camp will take you approximately about a month. Any questions?"

He put the pen down. The plastic pencil made a dull sound as the fabric hit the wooden desk. Training camp, it echoed in Ziva's ears. She was sent to a training camp.

"A camp?!" She asked in pure disbelieve as soon as she regained the ability to speak. "You think I'm damaged, you think I'm not a capable agent anymore? You think I need special training like all the probies?! Are you serious?!" Her voice got a high pitch in the end. This was a new kind of humiliation.

"Ziva calm down. You should know I only take the best, and nothing less! Somalia has damaged you and I will fix that. It's only for your best! Plane is leaving in two hours" he confirmed her assumption of not having much time left. "Get your stuff packed up. I'll see you in four weeks when you've regained your strength and your will to fight." And with one more disgusted look at her father she spun around on her heels and left his office. But Eli could sense desperation in her eyes before the door fell shut behind his daughter and he sunk back in his chair. He couldn't lose his daughter to the Americans. He just couldn't. 

Don't cry Ziva told herself. It's going to be okay.  
She dearly hoped family was not only about DNA because there was no way in hell she saw this man as her father. 

Tears were burning in her eyes as she slowly approached the steps back to her room, her head filled with terrifying images about Tony forgetting her or another woman taking her desk forever. Eli was right; Somalia had indeed left her unstable. Never before would she have cared about these things.

Right before entering the plane she thought about just turning around and dismissing herself from her father's orders but that would mean not following Vance's orders as well. She needed at least one agency to be proud of her. With a heavy heart she watched the doors close and closed her eyes with them as she felt her weight being shifted into the air. A month. It would be only a month.

**NCIS**

Gibbs watched with concern as Tony got more apathetic by the hour. The team he'd set up to search for Ziva included not only his but also Fornell's and another colleague's he trusted enough to be included. He needed every capable man to find Ziva. 

There was no trace, absolutely nothing. It was like the earth had swallowed her up. It was frustrating, scaring because they had absolutely no clue with whom they were dealing with. Ziva was Mossad after all so it could be possible the attack was not NCIS related at all. He'd also looked at the situation from the private and personal angle meaning it had only to do with Ziva as a person. She'd made herself more enemies than she had hours to count them. It could be everything! Angry he kicked his computer as it refused to operate the way he wanted. Stupid machine!

He looked up and shot DiNozzo another worried glance. Tony sat on his desk one hand at his phone as if he was about to call someone and with the other he clung to the edge of his desk as if his life depended on it. He'd been sitting like this for thirty minutes now. Not even one year ago had he seen his agent so out of it.

"DiNozzo!" No reaction. "DiNozzo!" Now McGee's head got up as well, his eyes narrowing by the look on Tony's face. Everyone here was worrying sick because of Ziva's absence but compared to Tony they dealt with it the healthy way. He had slept the whole weekend on the navy yard, was still in the same clothes as on Friday and looked like death in person. He acted like an alcoholic on detox and in some way it was exactly that. His drug was missing. Ziva wasn't here to help him fix himself. The relationship these two had went far beyond what Gibbs, McGee or anyone could understand. They depended on each other with their lives and yet they strictly denied to feel any attraction towards each other. The whole navy yard knew they were deeply in love. Their relationship was an open secret literally everyone knew about- except them.

**A/N – Thank you to everyone who took the time to review or put the story on alert, I'm really happy you're enjoying it and also hope to have met everyone's expectations with this chapter. **

**There's just one thing I wanted to talk about briefly: I always hate it when the team is written absolutely OOC and so I try my hardest to make them seem believable. I hope I succeeded. Also in this story Ziva is going to deal with Somalia and everything else I have planned for her which will not always be nice. I'm sure people will say that's out of character for her to be affected by those things but please keep in mind that on the show Ziva never really dealt with it. We don't know how it could've been like because the Somalia elephant has just never been addressed. **

**Also I put the rating up to T to be safe. Will eventually become M.**

**I'd love to hear your opinion!**


	3. Chapter 3

They got the call on the fourth day. The call that destroyed Tony's already shattered life completely and left him wondering if it would ever get back to normal.

"DiNozzo, McGee, the director's office, _now_!" Tony looked up to his boss standing at the top of the stairway behind him. "Get going, DiNozzo" Gibbs barked again as Tony didn't bother to get up. McGee stopped halfway and turned around again, grabbing Tony's arm and dragging him up the stairs with him.

Tony didn't care about what happened around him. What did he have to lose?

In the office Gibbs started a pissing match with the director as soon as the door felt shut behind them but Tony didn't listen. His thoughts were spinning in his head, re-living the last memories with Ziva again and again, wondering if there was something he could've done. He hadn't even seen them once! It was his fault that Ziva, his Ninja, got abducted and it was his fault if she died.

"DiNozzo!" he blinked a few times confused before noticing the silence around him. Slowly he looked over to Gibbs who looked at him as if he was expecting something from him.

"Yes boss?"

"She stays willingly!" he raised an eyebrow, nodded and pretended to know what Gibbs was talking about.

"Sounds good boss!" he managed to get out. Shocked faces stared back at him. McGee looked like he was seriously considering the psych ward for Tony and Gibbs probably had killed him in his head already. Vance only twisted the tooth pick in his fingers, observing the situation.

"_Ziva stays willingly in Israel_." Gibbs repeated slowly, stressing her name to get any reaction from Tony. Which he got. Immediately he froze, his hands clenched to fists, his tense body started to shake violently.

"She… _what_?!" his voice indicated so much disbelieve and hurt that Gibbs instantly forgave him for not listening.

"Ziva was taken back to Israel by her father to get a mission done. He just called and explained it to us. He also said she stayed willingly and had even agreed to do the operation."

Slowly the information got into his head. He blinked a few times before looking over to McGee who just appeared as helpless.

"Nah" Tony suddenly grinned, shaking his head a little "Oh no, this can't be true, Ziva would _never_ willingly-"

"DiNozzo," he was cut off sharply by the director. "she does. Ziva doesn't wish to speak to us, any of us, but will return to NCIS after her mission is accomplished. There is nothing we can do about it" he finished.

The next second Tony snapped, wanting to take the next flight available to Tel Aviv.

"This is not true! He played her, probably even drugged her! Ziva would always talk to me, he just doesn't let her! She would never do him a favor, not after Somalia, _don't you understand_?! You know what? I'm gonna go see her, she will have to tell me right in the face that she doesn't wanna talk to us" he ranted pointing at Gibbs and Vance in anger.

"Enough!" The director dismissed him and even dared to fire him should he dare to set foot on that plane.

"Why not director?!" Tony had screamed, barely able to control himself after the final 'no' echoed through the room.

"Leon?" Gibbs' hardly controlled voice broke the silence.

"We cannot do this! Eli David has clearly crossed boundaries but if we move now we will destroy everything we've been working on so far. There are rules Gibbs!" he slammed the toothpick in the garbage and eyed Team Gibbs with narrowed eyes, his jaw clenched together. "He's the bad man now and we can use that against him once she's back!"

"I don't care about your bullshit politics, Ziva is a member of my team and even though he is her father I don't think he can just abduct her when he feels like it!" a fist hit the table.

"She is, after all, a liaison officer."

"Transferred to my team" Gibbs held against him.

"With his permission" two pairs of angry eyes stared at each other.

"Remember what happened last time" McGee said bravely and held against Vance's death glare as everyone turned heads to look at him in surprise. Tony let out a sarcastic laugh.

"Yeah _righ_t. You didn't want us to take that mission officially either and we brought her back anyway, didn't we?!"

"Last time she went missing, agent DiNozzo! This time we know she is well and with her father, there is absolutely nothing we can do without starting a war."

"How can she be will when she's with her father?" Tony screamed but Vance didn't pay any attention to him.

"Besides we're talking about agent David here, she'd make her way back in less time than it would take us to get there, if that's what she wanted" and awkward silence filled the room as everyone slowly processed what the director had just said and what consequences that would have for each and every one of them. He was right. Ziva would be back in an instant if she wished to.

"You will not bring Agent David back, are we clear?" Even though he'd clearly addressed the whole team it was just Gibbs he was looking at. Hatred sparkled in Gibbs' eyes as she spun around on his heels and disappeared.

**NCIS**

_"What are you _doing_?" He asked in so much disbelieve that she turned around laughing a bit. "What? I'm cleaning up. You've made quite a mess the three hours we're here" Tony's face showed childlike outrage. _

_"I haven't made a mess, I simply unpacked a few things." Ziva rolled her eyes and continued putting his clothes into the wardrobe. _

_"Right" she scoffed. "The clothes threw themselves all over the floor" _

_"Sarcasm doesn't suit you" he informed her dryly but helped getting a few things off the ground. "We won't stay here long anyway, so what's the point of all this?" He complained. _

_"Cut it out DiNozzo, if you're comfortable living like a hobo, go ahead I for my part certainly won't-" _

"_Like a hobo?" he interrupted her with raised eyebrows, feigning hurt. "Seriously? You think I live like a hobo? Ow David, that one hurt" _

_"What I meant, was-" _

_"I got it" he interrupted her again with a wink of his hand. "I got it. You ain't say no more" he dramatically stalked towards the bathroom door and flinched when a shoe hit his head. _

_"Why thank you, you shouldn't have" he glared at her rubbing the throbbing spot on his head. _

_"Sarcasm doesn't suit you" she mocked him with a grin and before he could react she had thrown another shoe in his direction.__  
_

_After they were done goofing around and making themselves comfortable Tony got bored soon. _

_"Let's go outside Zee-vah! Paris is such a beautiful city we don't wanna spend our time locked into a hotel room, do we? Besides we don't have to pick the witness up till tomorrow, let's do some sightseeing" _

_"I certainly do not mind spending my day with my book. I've been to Paris before" Ziva answered distractedly, her eyes still on her book. _

_She was lying on her belly in a Y shaped form, nearly covering the whole king sized bed in an attempt to get comfortable. He watched her closely and decided he had never seen anything more beautiful than Ziva lying relaxed on a bed they shared, completely unaware of the fact that a tiny part of her belly showed, which was more bare skin than he'd seen in a long time. She looked incredibly sexy. _

_He didn't understand why she took so much effort in wearing long sleeved shirts all the time when her body literally begged to be seen. But Somalia had changed her. _

_"Take a picture Tony, it'll last longer" she suddenly informed him unimpressed and Tony could feel himself blush. Damn Ninja skills. He cleared his throat. _

_"Don't know what you're talking about" he muttered before searching the wardrobe for his jacket. "Where'd ya you put my jacket?" He asked and Ziva sighed deeply looking up from her book to frown at him. _

_"Tony. You are unbearable" _

_"I've been told that before, so where's my jacket?" He was pretty impatient now, his desire to go outside overwhelming. He needed something to do._

_"I guess it's where you took it off the second we entered this room- on the floor next to the door" she pointed towards it with her index finger and a big fake smile on her face, letting her finger snap back and forth to make it look ridiculous. He grumbled something about Ziva being worse than his first French nanny and Ziva grinned. _

_"How do I look?" Tony asked, looking at himself in the mirror next to the closet. Ziva took her time scanning him. _

_"You look pretty!" She finally said with a smug smile. _

_"Men are not pretty Ziva, men are handsome but yes thanks also that I've been told before!" He grinned his thousand watt smile and turned around to her. _

_Ziva's expression fell. Idiot. "Don't flatter yourself. I've seen better before" she shot right back at him and bit the inside of her cheek to prevent from laughing at his face._

"_Okay so get up now!" He took her hand, wanting to lift her up when she suddenly flinched, a frightened look in her eyes. Slowly he stepped back and sighed a little. Sometimes he forgot very easily how careful he had to be around Ziva. __  
_

_After various discussions about where to go first and Tony whining about a broken arm Ziva had supposedly gotten him because he had accused her of using a trick coin, they finally were standing in front of the Eiffel Tower with big satisfied smiles on their faces. After all neither of them cared where they went, as long as they were together. Mocking each other was just part of the game._"Ziva? Ziva!" Someone was shaking her roughly. As soon as her tired brain had processed that fact her eyes flew open and she jerked away as far as possible cringing as the person wouldn't let go of her arm.

"Let go. Let go of me!" She yelled, panic more obvious now in her voice. Breathe Ziva, just breathe she told herself. She'd lost orientation for a while but regained the knowledge as she looked across the small dirty plane. She was in Israel. On her way to the training camp.

Agent Nazar stared at her bewildered before quickly stepping back and eyeing her again suspiciously. "Are you alright? We have arrived" He informed her formally. Ziva shot him one of her death-glares and made her way to the door, avoiding any contact with the young man.

He was really young, way too young to have a lot of skills and experience in the field so she wondered what her father was thinking to send him with her. In the end she had to take care of him. She groaned at that thought. They hadn't spoken anything on the three hour plane ride expect exchanging stiff formalities at the beginning and Ziva wanted it like that. No more relationships, no more feelings not even sympathy.

As soon as she set foot on the small staircase, heat blew in her face full time. Sand was already everywhere and she coughed a few times before quickly covering her mouth and nose with her hands. How fun. A desert storm. Her bad mood got even worse.

She felt Nazar right behind her and stepped aside. She saw his mouth moving but over the sound of the storm she couldn't make out anything.

"What?!" She yelled back, using sign language to make him understand she didn't get a single word he had just said. He simply waved his hand to follow him and so they slowly made their ways over the non-existing airstrip, avoiding tripping over rocks the sand hand already buried and trying to breath in as less sand as possible.

The sound of the wind was deaf-splitting, a sound that reminded her of so many bad things and she felt the weight of her duffle bag against her sore shoulders. Suddenly she felt really tired and exhausted. The dream of Paris was still with her; it was the first nice dream she had had in months. Without Tony next to her, it was hard to fall asleep.

In the very beginning of her recovery she would wake up screaming, unable to control herself or the fear that had made itself a home in her head. It got that worse that her neighbors would call the police because they'd thought she was being murdered next door.

After three months of either waking the entire building with her terror or no sleep at all she had set for sleeping pills that had the wanted effect immediately: she slept more than thirty minutes a time. But when Tony had found the pills on her nightstand on one of his self-created movie nights he had forced on her, he'd flipped and yelled at her for being that stupid, for not talking to him for bottling everything up and not accepting any help. It had been a turning point and she'd found herself sobbing uncontrollably in his arms.

After that, however, it had gotten worse for a few weeks. She wouldn't let him in her apartment or talk to him and since he had slushed the pills down the toilette she was forced to try to sleep without. What did not work, of course.

One night she woke up terrified and out of control. She didn't even remember calling Tony but he ended up taking to her on the phone for about two hours, soothing her, whispering calming words before she was able to fall back to sleep. Not long after that incident she drove over to his apartment in the middle of the night, still caught in her worst nightmare of Saleem stabbing Tony to death. She needed to know he was still alive. Since that day she wasn't able to fall asleep without him by her side. Not that she would ever admit it, though but Tony had saved her the need to explain herself and simply found excuses for her to stay either with him or why he had to stay at hers. Tony was secretly relieved to be able to care for her; he was terrified what she could do to herself in one of her panic attacks.

After everything she'd done to Tony he still cared about her like that. She was already terrified of what him not being near her would do to her.

After ten minutes of walking through knee-high sand they reached a small building. It was only a shabby little house, a truck parked in front, with wooden boards covering the windows. Nazar held the door open for her and after it fell shut the tension in her shoulders got a bit less.

Ziva sighed in relief and shook the sand out of her hair and clothing before she looked around carefully, a hand placed on holster, just in case. Nazar watched her with a small smile before he crossed the room to open another back door that let to a small porch.

They were dancing around each other, both very careful and still not sure what to think about the other. Ziva had learned a long time ago that not everybody her father trusted could really be trusted. That was easy since she didn't trust her father, so why trust his judgment? As long as she could think it had caused her pain.

"What are you doing?" She asked harshly when he didn't explain his moves to her.

"I'm checking our backup"

"What backup?" He shot her an annoyed glare and Ziva was once again furious with her father for keeping her out of the loop like that.

"Your father didn't know if Hamas would attack us today. They threaten a lot but never actually make a move"

"And you didn't think of telling me that? What the hell is wrong with you?" She punched her hand against the wall next to her and literally heard something break. Pain shot through he knuckles only seconds after and she cursed herself for her stupidity as she slowly tried to open her fist. Not that she would let it show.

Nazar watched her from a safe distance. The rumors he'd heard about Eli David's daughter were obviously true. She was first of all gorgeous, her long curly hair till her waist and a distinctive face made the observer not want to look away. Right now her facial expression showed annoyance and anger, her brows were furred as she punched the wall. He had heard only little about why she went away from Mossad and to the Americans but rumor has it that it had something to do with the relationship with her father. The two of them didn't get along very well and her stoic expression when he'd told her about her father's orders had only confirmed these suspicions.

But she was a good agent, probably the best in the whole agency since she was his daughter. He would have to be careful with her, didn't he feel the wish to be murdered in his sleep. Nazar's only job was to escort her to the training camp in the desert. He wasn't sure why Ziva had to attend something like that but God forbid to question the director's orders. Her body language showed how observant she was. She took so much more in than she would let anyone know. She was badly dangerous, that much was clear.

She muttered some curses in Hebrew before she closed her eyes for a few seconds.

"So? What about our backup now?" Nazar took it and looked out of the window once more. He shook his head what didn't stop her from keeping her gun pointed at the invisible outside. She had a bad feeling.

"What are we waiting for? When will we move?" She hated that she had to ask the questions. "You tell me _right now_ what's the plan!" She hissed, clearly losing her patience.

"Officer David-"

"For you still Special Agent David" If looks could kill.

Nazar stood straight up by her reprimand and murmured an apology. Yes this woman was dangerous, but when pissed she was deadly he corrected himself and quickly complied her demand and filled her in. She was the one in charge after all.

The plan was easy. Should they get attacked while waiting for the transportation to the camp they would skip the camp altogether and fight the Hamas along with their backup that would arrive never the less this afternoon.

Should the transportation arrive before the Hamas, what Ziva definitely preferred since she had no intention to count more than broken knuckles to the damage count for that day, they would continue their way to the camp.

Ziva wanted to know her father's actual reasons for sending her to the camp. He would never do that only to help her get over herself. Weakness was not allowed, and neither was admitting it.

An hour later, neither their backup nor the Hamas were in sight but their transportation had showed up. It was a big pick-up truck, one of those metal boxes that could carry elephants without breaking. Ziva only raised an eyebrow at the monstrous car in front of her but kept her thoughts to herself as both, she and Nazar, climbed the stairs up to the door. A short stern nod and the handing out of breathing masks later, which Ziva was incredibly grateful for, they were on their way to the camp.

"Approximately five hours" the driver had informed her and Ziva had sighed just a little. Not being able to move was something she wasn't good at anymore. They had never allowed her to move, they-" No! She told herself. You won't go there again. Her hands started to tremble and she knew she had to keep her mind occupied with something else to prevent from panicking.

The storm outside made it impossible to see anything besides dusty yellow-ish dots and so she soon turned focus on something else. She looked around in the big truck and found various weapons on the ground. On her left was the driver who did nothing but stare on the sand outside. Behind her was Nazar and another man who were both similar silent but holding guns as they were about to start fire any second. Just a few years ago she'd been like that too, cold, emotionless, the perfect killing machine.

Who was she now? Tony had known her trouble ever since.

_"Ah c'mon, you don't really wanna be like this, do you?" She heard Tony's voice in her head. They'd had this conversation a few weeks before Michael had happened and everything had fallen apart. _

_"Are you really just analyzing me?!" She scoffed, bending down to get her backpack. _

_"You're doing it again" Tony said from across the room in a strange singing tone clearly annoyed but Ziva continued packing her bag. It was late and she only wanted to go home to Michael. _

_"Doing what Tony?!" _

_"Shutting down!" _

_"I'm not shutting down" she argued "I'm just not willing to talk with you about that right now" _

_"You are _never_ willing to talk Zee-vah and exactly that's my point." He waited a second to give her a chance to deny it but she remained silent her arms crossed in front of her chest. _

_"He's changing you" _

_"He's making me happy Tony!" she argued back sharply. He flinched as if someone had hit him and of course Ziva's ninja senses didn't miss that. _

_"Is that so, yes?" he clearly was hurt._

_She was trying to figure out what really was on his mind. "Yes Tony" she said more softly now. "It is." _

_"Well then," Tony tried his usual clown mask to hide how much it actually hurt seeing her happy with someone else than him. "have a good evening Ziva" and with that he left her standing in the bullpen confused and hurt, for the first time in forever not holding the elevator doors open for her. _

_Who had changed? Was it her, or was it him?_

She snapped back to reality when the truck drove over some rocks that got the entire thing shaking uncontrollably and she had to cling to her seatbelt in order to keep from falling. Her breathing was labored. Slowly she bent over putting her head between her knees, something she had done often in the camp. It prevented her from throwing up.

"You okay?" She heard Nazar assure himself about her condition but when she didn't answer he let her be. God I just want to _sleep_! Her mind was so tired. Nightmares filled every inch of it and with every passing hour she was separated from Tony she felt the anxiety coming back that something might happen to him. Something she could not prevent.

"A few more hours" neither listened to the man. He had his hand placed too close to hers and she jerked away just a little too fast. Tony would've said something funny now to ease the mood but Tony was not there. Get yourself together Ziva! Get yourself together the voice whispered again. She would be fine. They would be okay, right?

**A/N- Thanks guys for reading and I hope you enjoyed that chatper. Would be lovely to know what you think**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- Hey guys! This took me a little longer because I had to figure out a few things. First, thanks for everyone who reviewed! I'm also very thankful for anybody who put some thought into the story and made me realize a few things I better mention or clear up! I also got a few requests from people wanting to have a say in where the story's going and I'm fine with that. So just tell me what you'd like to read! **

**Also the rating is now M just to be safe and because I don't wanna change it every time. It's just going to be M now. This chapter contains mentions of rape/sex, nothing graphic.**

**Special thanks to **_**EowynGoldberry**_** who pointed out correctly that on the show Ziva resigned from Mossad right after coming back from Somalia, so basically her father has no right to have her do a mission for him! I forgot to mention that in my story her father didn't accept her resignation.**

**I also got the question why Ziva actually agreed to do the mission. After all she could've just said no and leave. Well first she is still Mossad. She can't just turn down a mission when she feels like it even though she's working for NCIS right now. After she finds out Vance has supposedly agreed to all of this she's desperate and can't really understand what's going on, why they would do this to her without telling her but agrees because she wants to make them proud, wants to make Gibbs proud. Eli Daivd for his part is worried about how attached his daughter is getting to the Americans and is afraid he will lose her to them so he tries to cut the connections by sending her on that mission.**

**I'm sorry for the confusion and hope this works out for you and makes sense. Now please enjoy :)**

_It was already dark outside. Not as dark as that you wouldn't see anymore but dark enough to let the lights on the tower go on. Tony oh-ed in excitement and Ziva watched him with amusement. He seemed so happy in that moment with his I-love-Paris-balloon slightly blowing in the light breeze. _

_"You haven't seen that before?" She asked, curious. He bowed his head to the side with a wry smile. "No. When I was in Paris it's always been for the job and I've never gotten to stay the night. When I was with my father or one of the nannies I got for the time he was away they would never let me stay awake as long." _

_Ziva was silent for a while. "We are here now for the job as well" she reminded him. A strange tension made both of them shiver in anticipation as they looked at each other. What am I doing? Ziva was stunned by herself as she slowly, so slowly reached out for him and put a hand over his. Touch was rare and that it came willingly was something that Somalia had made impossible. _

_Tony was slowly teaching her that touch didn't necessarily mean pain which was something odd. Ziva David had learned at a very young age what it meant to use her body to achieve the things she wanted and that gentle touch never happened out of love. She was trained to sell her body, to use sex just as her gun, to be controlling, to have the upper hand. The women had learned how to use their sex. To be ever ready to sleep with someone to obtain vital information. The link between intelligence work and sexual entrapment was as old as spying itself._

'_Sex is a woman's weapon. Pillow talk is not a problem but it takes a special kind of courage. It's not just sleeping with an enemy and are forced to open up, it's obtaining information' as her father had put it. _

_She had been taught that to be in charge and in control are the number one rules you needed in order to survive. Always alone, because what good soldier would depend their life on someone else? There was no such thing as trust or love or passion in her life involved ever after her mother had died. It was not like she had forgotten how to do it or what it meant but that she found it hard to open up to people and get vulnerable again; had she spent her whole life trying the become the exact opposite. And now she had to accept the fact that there were people out there who truly cared even though that was beyond her imagination. _

_Those people risked their lives for her, those people would assign themselves on a suicide mission to rescue someone who was probably not even alive anymore. Those people could see right through her 'I'm fine' facade, they understood how painful memories could be and those people didn't leave her alone in her misery even when she did her hardest to push them away. And such, she thought with a heavy heart, was family.__  
_

_The look Tony gave her sent chills down her spine and she couldn't prevent smiling at him lightly. His eyes were focused on her face so intensively that she had to look away, blushing. He grinned and pulled one hand slowly over her shoulder to get her closer. At first she tensed but immediately relaxed again, sinking into his embrace. _

_"It's beautiful" he stated simply, and Ziva sighed closing her eyes. Maybe even she had a chance of happiness._

**NCIS**

They arrived at the camp only a few hours later. She was handed out various weapons, had a lecture on the rules she was still very aware of and then dismissed to her small room she would share with three more officers. Ziva grimaced in annoyance when she found out she was assigned to a very special teacher, someone who would only be training her.

It felt wrong to be the one that was going to be trained, for more than one half of her life had she been the one in charge. A long time ago she'd stopped maintaining her daily training lessons only because eventually there came a point when there was nothing new to learn.

She'd been receiving lessons since she was as young as five years old, she knew every trick, could measure her actions to make them cause the most pain, knew how and what gun to use to cause damage but not devastation, could estimate her opponent to never get caught from behind. She was a good officer, she was deadly.

But as much as she hated to admit it, her father was right. Somalia had left her damaged. Her actions were not as precise anymore she'd lost the ability to face her attacker without fear overwhelming her. She was disgusted by herself that she'd allowed someone to affect her like this. But yet she couldn't help but waking up every night screaming, unable to shake the feeling off her that she would yet again feel the unbearable pain she knew they were able to cause her. The camp might really help her, she figured. 

"If you should ever start fearing your enemy, you've already lost" her father smiled at his small daughter. "You do not lose a battle and because of that there's nothing to be afraid of in the first place, Zivaleh"

"I'm not afraid abba" the girl had grinned in her childlike innocence while firing her gun a second time; hitting the plastic doll right on the place where the heart's supposed to be.

**NCIS**

The first week was exhausting. Ziva was barely allowed to sleep and was refused food. She knew these methods from earlier on but this time they were much harder to bear.

She missed Tony terribly. A few times she tried to call him with a phone she'd found in her trainer's office but never did she reach anybody. Something must've changed with the phone connection, maybe NCIS had some technical problems she assured herself, ignoring the voice in her head that maybe they just didn't want to talk to her. He might didn't want to listen to her excuses why she didn't come back right away. Why she left him again. After she came back from Somalia he made her promise to never just leave like that, to put herself in danger again. That was right after her breakdown with the pills.

She had agreed. 

Stubborn, to not give in she fought her battles, did what she had to do to get dismissed and hide under the covers of her bed. On the first day two of her roommates had thought it would be fun to flirt with her, both had to seek treatment for broken bones and hadn't bothered her anymore since.

The only thing she couldn't escape from, were the nightmares. She awoke screaming every night without any exception; waiting for Tony's calming hands around her that never came. She was scarred out of her mind to have to face them alone but yet didn't she let it show. The dark circles under her eyes got bigger and her sleeping pattern worse. She'd kill for some sleeping pills.

Other than the unpleasant memories she was just focused on her training and felt her strength coming back with every passing day. She got better, her ninja senses were rebuilt and she felt like she was 17 again. Safe. The first three weeks had passed before she began to get restless. She felt a change going through the camp as new officers came and old ones had to leave but she was still not ordered back. Her tasks got more challenging with the day but she felt more like herself than she'd done in a long time so she didn't complain.

It was only herself she was focused on, her mind was not allowed to think further ahead than how to accomplish the mission and also was it not allowed to get higher than the ceiling. She ate when she was hungry, slept when she was tired, fought when she had to defend herself and felt more safe with a weapon each passing hour. It finally gave her back the safety she'd missed when holding it for a while. She felt whole again. 

Until that one day when she got a painful reminder that she was again the only woman in a camp with _a lot_ of men. Being the daughter of the director did not help her in the desert. 

"What?" She hissed when she felt the glance of her room-mate again on her. It had been burning holes in her back for thirty minutes. He smiled casually before standing up and getting closer.

"Well Ziva I thought maybe, you know we could have some fun together. It's been a long time, right?" He came straight to the point.

Ziva smiled a sarcastic smile but didn't bother to look up at him as she continued bandaging her hands and wrist for the upcoming boxing match. She wasn't surprised by his request. To men sex was so much more important than to woman. Of course he would try it, she didn't expect anything else, and six years prior she might've said yes. But she was surprised he would even ask her since her other roommates gave a good example to why he had better not.

"I'll pass" she commented dryly and shot him a disgusted look. She was not afraid anymore and honestly she had surprised herself with that realization. One year ago she would've started panicking just by a man talking to her yet alone asking her to sleep with him. Now she stayed perfectly calm, knowing she could cut him off his privates in a second.

The officer then surprised her by placing a hand on her shoulder and forcing her to turn around. "Are you sure Ziva? I mean we could _all_" he stressed the last word "have some fun" Ziva froze. A warning growl escaped her lips as she slowly stood up to get to eye level with him. With force she snapped his hand off her shoulder and came a step closer.

"If you should ever dare to touch me again I will break your jaw, are we clear?" It was not an empty threat and everyone who knew Ziva David would have brought the seven seas between them as quickly as possible but this officer only smiled daringly.

"I'd love your hand to make contact with me" anger built in her but she figured it was better to just leave. She had no intention of getting punished for stabbing him to death. The second she turned away she found her arms behind her back and herself pressed against his front. She felt something hard against her lower back and started breathing faster as the memories came back all at once.

With a strange noise in her throat she spun around, kicking him in the back of his knee that made him buckle. She untangled their hands and placed another kick between his legs that made all air escape his lungs. Then she smiled and looked down at the now heavily breathing man to her feet.

Ziva grabbed some hair and pushed his head down to make him look her in the eye just as he'd done with her. Her voice was sweet and dangerous as she chirped "You better listen to me, next time I won't be as generous" satisfied with herself, she grabbed her water bottle off the table and shut the door behind her.

Outside she didn't move for a second, then laughed out loud for the first time since she'd entered the camp. Even though she didn't like her father's methods, for this one she was thankful for.

**A/N2- So I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. What would you like to read more about in the next one? The camp or Tony back at NCIS trying to hold himself together?**

**Oh btw does anyone want to be my beta? Would be very appreciated! **


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